At some point in our lives, we will be at full-scale battle with ourselves. And we will wonder why everyone else is laughing except us.
At some point in our lives, however, we will confront it like an ant in a whirlpool. Find ourselves grappling with the meaning of life, squirming in our own skin.
We can't handle the guilt when we commit dubious acts even if we don't know it yet.
And hell is every moment we depart from our true nature.
We waste our lives entertaining people we hate and doing things we despise and we do it with a smile.
Deny your feelings, I say. People will love you for it. They want you to be what they wish you could be. You are a physical manifestation of their imagination.
After a while, you won’t remember who you are. You just watch yourself play the role you are expected to. Life is like making a movie about making a movie.
In other words:
“Please resist the temptation to be yourself.”
For instances:
“I’d love to meet someone that hardly signifies your presence.”
“I’d love to listen to your sob stories.”
“I’d love to have an awkward yamcha sessions with absolute strangers.”
I've heard things like:
“You are the perfect guy for me BUT…”
“Please try to yourself.”
The real you is irrelevant.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Map for Lovers
"We’re just two lost souls swimming in fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground and how we found the same old fears "
Stumbled over this quote.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, well i'll be a good boy sitting at home studying for my upcoming midterms. I'm enjoying my single life despite the recent lost in love. Ah yes...one day at a time. A patched heart. It's been months now.
A lighthouse beaming encircling source of light searching the farstretched oceans.Like a holocaust offering up a sacrificial that is entirely consumed by flames. Like a dressing or covering applied to protect a wound or sore. Like a grandballroom sated with the sounds of violins.Like human profiles,solid figures that were silhouetted against the setting sun.Like a shimmer of a lonestar settled between serene skies and the horizons of a bright blue sea. Like a girl fumbling to find her black silk dress at the corner of her dresser. Like flickering flames leaping off the wicks of chandeliers. Like Louvre, only a fraction of Lourve are on the walls but the rest are in the basement, where it houses painting of art such as Da Vincci, Michelangelo, David, Chardin.Like when a charming man says "Comment doux vos regards de visage doucement encerclés par le clair de lune doux"- 'How sweet your face looks gently encircled by the soft moonlight' in French.
Thats love.
Im not very good with women.Perhaps i haven't found the right one.Maybe.Maybe this love thing is just like a grown-up version of Santa Claus,just a myth we believe since childhood, so we keep joining clubs, buying magazines, watching movies with hip hop songs played over a love montage and its all in this pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keep getting caught in the chimney.
Straight from The Gut
My friend’s friend did this... my friend’s friend did that…
Isn't it strange that someone else's third degree friend has all the fun you will never get to experience in your life?
Isn't it strange that they are never your immediate friends?
It is strange that they only exist as a third degree friend but never as a real person.
I wonder how it’s like being a third degree friend. Your tales and exploits are often told over dinner tables, cafes and idle chit chat sessions. People find you fascinating and your adventures are worth evangelizing to other people. You are a legend without a name.
Your legacy lives on...
Isn't it strange that someone else's third degree friend has all the fun you will never get to experience in your life?
Isn't it strange that they are never your immediate friends?
It is strange that they only exist as a third degree friend but never as a real person.
I wonder how it’s like being a third degree friend. Your tales and exploits are often told over dinner tables, cafes and idle chit chat sessions. People find you fascinating and your adventures are worth evangelizing to other people. You are a legend without a name.
Your legacy lives on...
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Homecoming
When i was young, i listen to the radio waiting for my favourite song...
That's how going home feels like.
It's 8.05am, i rose from my slumber,quickly i assigned myself to tasks of my departure.Hastily off i went to KL on a 10am bus which requires me to take the local bus before 9am to reach Melaka Sentral.
Beds of chrysanthemum cultivated in the richest blossoms caught a glint in my eye where their showy flower heads radiate colours of gold and yellow in their greatest splendor. The feeling of admiration dabbed in the excitement of going back home mixed with anticipation of going to Cyberjaya.
Met Wilz at the bus terminal. Simple chats were exchanged between us. Catching on some sleep amidst my journey.Reach Kl at 10 minutes past noon.Our paths diverge under the illuminated sky. Cyberjaya here i come!
Anyway.
It's my first time to Cyberjaya by bus. I called Cavi to clarify directions to Cyberjaya. Minutes later i find myself in front of Mydin, a shopping complex. Behind the complex stations hordes of buses to transport and enfold passenger from KL to their destinated places.
During a bypass at Putrajaya, my mind was captured by a fountain with water flow jetting high up into the air...The silvery water reflected in the glory of the sun in magnificence that spellbounded me.
*****
Reached Cyberjaya at 1.40pm. The bus disembark me in front of Cyberia. Greeted with warm smiles by Arina at Cyberia Condominium.
After a light exchange of daily tribulations joined by a few of Arina's senior, we went to McD for lunch.
We had alot of Happy Meals at the table. Alot of McD collectibles as well.LOL.The thoughts just captivates me.
We went to Cyberia to collect my bag and hang about there till it's 5.15pm.
*****
Depart at 8.40pm and arrived home at 11.00pm.
Home alast.
(I wanted to write this to signify that i actually went through the hassles of homecoming.
In times as my memory serves me well and it does me less and less, i just want to recall of this event.Sometimes when we asked ourselves " What did i do last week ? " . If we forgotten what we actually did and there wasn't a witness to clarify our presence, it's like we actually didn't existed for the past week.)
That's how going home feels like.
It's 8.05am, i rose from my slumber,quickly i assigned myself to tasks of my departure.Hastily off i went to KL on a 10am bus which requires me to take the local bus before 9am to reach Melaka Sentral.
Beds of chrysanthemum cultivated in the richest blossoms caught a glint in my eye where their showy flower heads radiate colours of gold and yellow in their greatest splendor. The feeling of admiration dabbed in the excitement of going back home mixed with anticipation of going to Cyberjaya.
Met Wilz at the bus terminal. Simple chats were exchanged between us. Catching on some sleep amidst my journey.Reach Kl at 10 minutes past noon.Our paths diverge under the illuminated sky. Cyberjaya here i come!
Anyway.
It's my first time to Cyberjaya by bus. I called Cavi to clarify directions to Cyberjaya. Minutes later i find myself in front of Mydin, a shopping complex. Behind the complex stations hordes of buses to transport and enfold passenger from KL to their destinated places.
During a bypass at Putrajaya, my mind was captured by a fountain with water flow jetting high up into the air...The silvery water reflected in the glory of the sun in magnificence that spellbounded me.
*****
Reached Cyberjaya at 1.40pm. The bus disembark me in front of Cyberia. Greeted with warm smiles by Arina at Cyberia Condominium.
After a light exchange of daily tribulations joined by a few of Arina's senior, we went to McD for lunch.
We had alot of Happy Meals at the table. Alot of McD collectibles as well.LOL.The thoughts just captivates me.
We went to Cyberia to collect my bag and hang about there till it's 5.15pm.
*****
Reached Putrajaya Transit Station to KLIA. Regretted didn't invited Arina to accompany me at the station. 20 minutes later , im off to KLIA.
Upon arrival i could see the magnificence of Kuala Lumpur International Airport.Disembark quickly and headed up the stairs from the platform.
Check my ticket out-at the wrong place and wondered around like a lost bunny into some technical surveilance complex.Ooops.
Headed back to where i checked out my ticket.
Climb over the steel barrier(tear one of my muscles in my bum while doing so) while being noticed by a security officer. Stopped by him(obviously),explained everthing then off i went (gathering valuable experience points).
Checked-in .Went sight seeing. I love airports-such a lovable place, a place where you see couples hugging and blow kisses while saying their goodbyes. Family reunite. People meeting up.Warm cheers.This reminds me of a song ,"What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.
I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.
It seems that whatever dispute in the past seems to dissipate at that instant.
Found a bookstore and bought Angela's Ashes-Frank McCourt. Read while waiting for my departure.
Depart at 8.40pm and arrived home at 11.00pm.
Home alast.
(I wanted to write this to signify that i actually went through the hassles of homecoming.
In times as my memory serves me well and it does me less and less, i just want to recall of this event.Sometimes when we asked ourselves " What did i do last week ? " . If we forgotten what we actually did and there wasn't a witness to clarify our presence, it's like we actually didn't existed for the past week.)
Freedom Fighters
I want to be an unpredictable bomb
I want to strike fear in every person I loath so much
I want to look morons straight in the eye and give my condolences to their family members
But I won’t. Not because I don’t want to, but I can’t. Society drew strict guidelines to how I am allowed to conduct myself. I am free as long as I follow the rules. It sounds very much like prison except you don't have to share shower rooms.
I want to strike fear in every person I loath so much
I want to look morons straight in the eye and give my condolences to their family members
But I won’t. Not because I don’t want to, but I can’t. Society drew strict guidelines to how I am allowed to conduct myself. I am free as long as I follow the rules. It sounds very much like prison except you don't have to share shower rooms.
“Freedom” is like a Unicorn. It exists only in our minds but it doesn’t exist
I sympathize for anyone who hangs on the concept so pitifully
Freedom of speech
Freedom of press
Human rights
All lies...lies...hypocrisy...
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Statice
It's an evening under the pale sky, how wonderful it is .To welcome once more, to feel all those many relentless aesthetic feeling especially a distinctive and pleasing one. Often i find myself associating it with a particular time and place-A dinner meal at 6 o'clock.
Sitting across my table is a table seated with six girls.Chatting coquettishly with each other.Typical as they seem. I imagined having a stimulating conversation with them, teasing and flirting. As how i often conjecture having exchanges of thoughts, opinion and feelings with strangers in the bus or even in transits. As the sparks of interest dies down in me, i began to sum up that they are few who has the ability to kindle intelligent conversations. Where is she again?
A plane high up in the sky, so far away that only a flicker of light could be seen in our fast darkening world.How distinct it was yet unreal.
Quicken my glance i let my vision sprawl over another table , a mother and a child catches my glance.
The mother half-heartedly congratulated the child on getting into her chair and proceeded to settling her down. By now I looked to where the child pointed, and rightly so, she was looking my way, admiring the simple things of life-marvelling at people who look different from themselves, birds ,cars and correctly putting it, they seem to enjoy life and the world better. Children seem to be that much more perceptive than us, that they look around and notice things, while we look around and only see. Should we envy them that, admire their naivety or cherish our ignorance?
How it dawns in me that the sky is broken.
Sitting across my table is a table seated with six girls.Chatting coquettishly with each other.Typical as they seem. I imagined having a stimulating conversation with them, teasing and flirting. As how i often conjecture having exchanges of thoughts, opinion and feelings with strangers in the bus or even in transits. As the sparks of interest dies down in me, i began to sum up that they are few who has the ability to kindle intelligent conversations. Where is she again?
A plane high up in the sky, so far away that only a flicker of light could be seen in our fast darkening world.How distinct it was yet unreal.
Quicken my glance i let my vision sprawl over another table , a mother and a child catches my glance.
The mother half-heartedly congratulated the child on getting into her chair and proceeded to settling her down. By now I looked to where the child pointed, and rightly so, she was looking my way, admiring the simple things of life-marvelling at people who look different from themselves, birds ,cars and correctly putting it, they seem to enjoy life and the world better. Children seem to be that much more perceptive than us, that they look around and notice things, while we look around and only see. Should we envy them that, admire their naivety or cherish our ignorance?
How it dawns in me that the sky is broken.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Modulation
The beginning of the last day of January 2005. The morning of a new start as of any other day.
The day for closing the deal with PURE Bar.
Negotiations started at about 4.15pm as of today.
PURE Bar's managing director Calvin Ng made it all simple.Mel and me discussed details of the terms and conditions with Calvin Ng.
Obtaining financial sponsorship never seem easier.
On the way back to campus, Mel and i debated alot of issues of dissatisfaction about the marketing proposal. It seem apparent to me as we had to implement changes in it . Improvises had to be made since the price ranges in the proposal was absurd.
A meeting was held at 7.30pm.
The meeting was chaired by me, Human Resource Head of Student Publication Board(MMU) in the Student Press Room.
It commenced smoothly with some late comers.We revised our marketing approach.Discussed about expanding our target market.
Problems faced in the field was voiced and solved.The marketing team came up with a formula to generate our price ranges. The previous price ranges was poorly prepared by our Finance and Marketing Head
The formula :
2000(2 * 75%x + 4 * 25%x + x ) = 525
Legend :
2000 refers to the number of GRAB! distributed.
525 refers to the cost of GRAB! .
x refers to the hits per page of GRAB!.
Explanation :
An estimation of 8 pages for GRAB! . The outer back page of GRAB! is a full page advertistment and its a definite hit. Lets say a person flips through GRAB! he/she will have 75% chance to view the first two pages and 25% of viewing the middle pages of GRAB! and 0% of viewing of the last page of GRAB!.With this we are able to determining the price range through estimating the value per page of GRAB!.
It generates the profit margins of GRAB! which estimates a profit of RM1750 per month for a duration of a year.
Contributors: Wilz ,CM and myself.
Its my first meeting that we had to brainstormed on a mathematics formula + someone crying in my meeting.Meeting adjourned at 9.30pm.
Later that evening i went yamcha with Mei Ying , Vimlan, Shaleni. Gossips went rampant across the table.National Korean University visiting our uni...prom nite...personal relationships...STAD...life...uni events...academic rambling...SRC...social circles...Alot of bitching indeed was spilled that evening.
surrendering myself to sleep...
The day for closing the deal with PURE Bar.
Negotiations started at about 4.15pm as of today.
PURE Bar's managing director Calvin Ng made it all simple.Mel and me discussed details of the terms and conditions with Calvin Ng.
Obtaining financial sponsorship never seem easier.
On the way back to campus, Mel and i debated alot of issues of dissatisfaction about the marketing proposal. It seem apparent to me as we had to implement changes in it . Improvises had to be made since the price ranges in the proposal was absurd.
A meeting was held at 7.30pm.
The meeting was chaired by me, Human Resource Head of Student Publication Board(MMU) in the Student Press Room.
It commenced smoothly with some late comers.We revised our marketing approach.Discussed about expanding our target market.
Problems faced in the field was voiced and solved.The marketing team came up with a formula to generate our price ranges. The previous price ranges was poorly prepared by our Finance and Marketing Head
The formula :
2000(2 * 75%x + 4 * 25%x + x ) = 525
Legend :
2000 refers to the number of GRAB! distributed.
525 refers to the cost of GRAB! .
x refers to the hits per page of GRAB!.
Explanation :
An estimation of 8 pages for GRAB! . The outer back page of GRAB! is a full page advertistment and its a definite hit. Lets say a person flips through GRAB! he/she will have 75% chance to view the first two pages and 25% of viewing the middle pages of GRAB! and 0% of viewing of the last page of GRAB!.With this we are able to determining the price range through estimating the value per page of GRAB!.
It generates the profit margins of GRAB! which estimates a profit of RM1750 per month for a duration of a year.
Contributors: Wilz ,CM and myself.
Its my first meeting that we had to brainstormed on a mathematics formula + someone crying in my meeting.Meeting adjourned at 9.30pm.
Later that evening i went yamcha with Mei Ying , Vimlan, Shaleni. Gossips went rampant across the table.National Korean University visiting our uni...prom nite...personal relationships...STAD...life...uni events...academic rambling...SRC...social circles...Alot of bitching indeed was spilled that evening.
surrendering myself to sleep...
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